Reaching out now can mean this story it doesnt go any further. Hi Cody, sounds tough. That continued for years. I dont know what to do. One day being careless, his wife found me and thrilled she finally had something substantial to punish me for she sent me to the basement to wait. Until I was around 10, I would steal his playboys and read them secretly. Ive also had a very hard fight with depression and substance abuse. My younger brother remembers much more than me, I barely remember snippets, fragments of things. I have nightmares about him in that bathroom, and Im afraid of going to the restroom at school. I startle very easily. Its your life. Hes still alive and so is his wife (my aunt- my deceased moms friend from school). But what we can say is that your memories with your father are obviously traumatic for you and have deeply affected you, enough that you are researching on the net. Assuming you are now over 18, you CAN go see a therapist. My memories as a child are very limited. It could even have been a parent who didnt love you as you were, and you seem to be mentioning something along the lines of having to earn attention. But I do not know what to say, if anything. I never in a million years would have thought about getting raped But I had a dreamand I cant get this extreme fear and anxiety and somewhat of a face out of my head. I figured out sex before my mom gave me the sex talk when I was 8. If you feel this experience is still affecting you, why not talk to a counsellor? I have no memory of childhood. A lot of the symptoms listed above make me think the suspicions are true, and that I was in fact molested. How to deal with emotional abuse There are certain measures that should be taken to prevent abusive relationship and these start from knowing which are the rights one has in a relationship and acknowledging that everyone should be treated with respect. But whenever I hear family members talk about him it always fills me with this sort of dread or anxiety. I also remember sitting on his lap when I was younger and telling him that I wished he was my real dad . Hope that helps. Hi Nathalie, sorry to hear you are feeling upset and are confused. Id really appreciate any kind of help. I remember for certain my father having incest themed open mags. From that point I dont remember much of my childhood but I do remember a few little snippets of being molested here and there but I do know for a fact that it went on for years and years and years. I also have another recurring nightmare of running through my grandfathers house, terrified. Hi Brit. Hi Joana, it sounds like you have a lot of experiences that are upsetting you. But then he started making comments about my body, and staring at me awkwardly. I have recently also been diagnosed with BPD. First, I just wanted to say thank you for this article. Today I believe I am bisexual but I can't imagine being in a loving relationship with a man. Love to all who have shared here, thank you for your bravery. Seek someone you feel you can grow to trust over time. We hear this from so many young people today, and we do feel its also due to the tremendous pressure placed on young people today to be sexually active. Many times. But we arent here to make anyone continue therapy or tell anyone what to do. All I know is that I was beyond terrified of the place and I have had this feeling all my life that something happened over there that I cannot remember. if you read through the comments, youll see that we talk about this issue of being sure a lot. If you are have PTSD and you do something like psychodynamic therapy, asked to talk again and again about things from the past, you can trigger yourself into fear mode again and again, leading to a lot of anxiety and fear!! Im very interested in sex like I cant stop. /early twenties and that I always thought people would find me disgusting if they really knew me. What if a person has clear memories but doubts them because the person who did it now seems so nice and innocent? What we are horrified at reading this is the reparenting you went through. My mum has expressed a worry about sexual abuse once but thats it. Does what she did count as sexual abuse? 4,5,6, so on so forth just aspects. Common & Uncommon Sexual Development. We really hope so. Dont expect to trust or like a therapist when you would never trust or like anyone else at first glance. Im a 16 y/o girl. And Cody please read our other article, What to Do if You Think Youve Been Abused. The most important thing you can do is work to shift your focus from what happened to how can I take care of myself and heal in the here and now, regardless of what happened. You cant make anyone seek therapy. The question remains what do you do when youre too traumatized to be able to handle therapy? Ive been getting constant fears of being sexually assaulted as a child, Im 17. I am a 45 year male, dealing with vivid flashbacks of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of my slightly older brother. 11 Ways to Make Sure They Work For and Not Against You, Dream Analysis and Meaning: Make Your Dreams Work for You in Therapy, My Life is a Waste Why You Feel This Way and What to Do About it, Sound Familiar? Best, HT. Although it does explain also why I have virtually no memory of any of my childhood except other traumatic events like(someone killing a venomous snake in front of me, crashing my bicycle and getting hurt, or getting a horrible sunburn) but that was it. Emotional Abuse Test | Psychologia Understanding your relationship requires taking a closer look at daily interaction with your partner and the way you feel about it. Its been a big road block for a while and its making it really hard to function normally. The test is aimed at people over the age of 18 who take it under their own responsibility. This is because many people care, actually! which is really gross honestly. No pain small spot of blood. I remember moving away so that He wouldnt think I still liked him, he pulled me close to him and hugged me, I thought this meant he liked me back. So the only reason why I think I was sexually abused when I was a kid is because I knew what a guys junk looks like before I watched porn for the first time. When I was 5 i had a boyfriend who would make me do things with him all the time, and recently i cant figure out if it was sexual abuse or not. My dad, (the supposed rapist) said that it wasnt real and that I could get some medical and mental help if I wanted help dealing with thoughts like these. Wed suggest that you call Childline (assuming you are in the UK) its a free hotline for children where there are lovely people happy to help you when you need it. If you dont feel that you can, then perhaps discuss your trust issues with him or her and see what happens between you. And to get proper support to process it, ideally. He cheated on me few months back. Hope that helps. Im 14 and have almost no memory of it, but Im pretty sure I may have been sexually assaulted in some way around the age of 6. Have you ever been asked to perform a sexual act against your will? I ask this due to having sexual problems throughout my life. he thinks im over reacting. Telling me i need sex and she will satify me. I have always been very sexually aware, and began masturbating at a very young age. Noah, we cant say. But I dont want to go on never knowing for sure and being confused. Please do reach out, you deserve the support. I always feel so alone, Im a very manipulatible person, I always feel like no one ever loves me. What we do believe is that a client has to be willing to get better and move past the idea that they are too flawed to ever change, and then that the click has to be there. As for the school counsellor, if you dont trust anyone, then maybe its not a question of trust but of putting yourself first here and getting help without caring what people think. Religious upbringings and the repression and negative beliefs around bodies/sex can alone cause issues, as can these sorts of childhood experiences. I am a male, as a child i would poo in my pants occasionally until I was about 8 or 9. Please keep my name confidential. We become the adults we are because of a strange collision of the personality we are born with and our unique reactions to the experiences and traumas we faced. I just cant deal with reality. Yes B. Quiz: Have I Suffered From Emotional Abuse by My Parents? It doesnt need to come out all in one day. I feel like Im messed up but was born this way. When I was a kid (less than 9 or 8 yrs old) Id make my barbies have sex, but only oral sex. After about two years of marriage and getting crazy anxiety, I got into therapy with a female therapist who took complete advantage of me by holding and hugging me for ages at a time, claiming she was reparenting me. Sex is a big step in life and it involves being vulnerable. Have you googled to see if your country has any kind of support? 1 / 12. And it sounds like there is more than enough upset and confusion there for you to seek counselling over. I did not even know about the female anatomy until I started my period at 12 and realizing I have a vagina. All of these memories are really confusing because I dont remember it well and I had a relatively normal childhood. Try to take a deep breath and focus on what is around you right now. Is there an effective way of unearthing repressed memories? Stepping out of victim mode means we realise we have power, power to decide to get better. I cant afford therapy, so Im trying to find some answers Was it the right kind of therapy for you? Take time alone to journal, to do things that you enjoy, be as kind to yourself as you can. I initiated the game in his shed. The connection is so high that some psychologists debate if these disorders exist at all or are really just manifestations of trauma, with some calling to rebrand BPD as complex trauma. He was laughing, trying to force the door open. It worries me this might suggest she was abused. I remember once going across the street to our pastors mothers house who was our neighbor. Definition of sexual abuse from 1974 Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (amended in 1992) Click the card to flip . Or if I should just forgive and forget. Sexual abuse is a touchy subject for many to speak on and is often avoided or dismissed when brought up. Its very hard when abuse is linked to the Church or other forms of authority, and its deeply sad when power is abused in such ways, we are sorry to hear about it all. Stashing pornography when I found some somewhere once, stealing my dads porn tape to watch back at my mums, I crept into my mums bedroom when I was small to listen to her having sex with someone (I cant remember who), I was always touching myself, rubbing myself down there. I cant remember what happened next, but I think she sent A. to the office or something and they were going to call my parents. Although I have identified myself as heterosexual all my life I have had homosexual fantasies since a teen ager. wedgies. I think too much about it.Im scared that some will hurt them like someone did so many times with me and my mom dont even notice.I dont want that to happened to them and raised them so weak like my mom did with me .My first daughter is 8 and my second is 4 months.my husband and I let a 13 years old kid stay in our house .he is his bestfriend son I know that is just for a few months but I can even sleep thinking that he will come to my daughters room and hurt my babies.I used to take therapy but I missed one so I never call again.but it was a couple therapy.Honesly I dont know how to protect or let raise my daughters knowing that I have a trauma.Do you think I can cure my self? I was physically, emotionally and verbally abused by my sperm donor, and have never expexted anything less of him but to have raped me. Because of your age youd need to get your parents approval read our article on how to talk to parents about mental health here http://bit.ly/talktoparents. Although I have a very perverted mind I can never imagine myself having sex with anyone, I make up fictional characters that I picture in my place. That said, we cant tell you if it happened or not. Ive been living with the guilt and shame and fear all this time. I remember weird things that could have meant I had a sexual relationship with my dad. I thought something was odd about the things I get sexually stimulated over until I was 50 and I began having night tremors and would wake up with vivid memories of being sexually abused as a child. Hi. We have a good article here on what to do if you think you were abused which might be helpful http://bit.ly/dealwithabuse. and touching my own body, especially my chest makes me physically sick. Otherwise, there are free helplines for young people in both the UK and the US if you feel you really want to just have a chat. I have nightmares but cant remember them once I wake. The best thing to do, if you are feeling unable to cope, is to seek support. In any case, is there anyone you can talk to? I struggle with anxiety/mental health issues, and I have a really hard time trusting men, and I feel really protective of small children. A. He should have empathy for what you have experienced and love you for your inner qualities. We would actually recommend some sessions with a therapist or counsellor trained in abuse counselling. I cant prove I was though, I started getting extremely hyper-sexual when I was 12. I also feel I have to please everyone all the time and wa t acceptance. But if you are not attracted to him, then thats something to look at. What can I do? Hi EA, you arent sick in the head. We were in the garage and were kind of hiding behind a standing tool box. And we are sorry to hear you are suffering all this in your life. I was better after I remembered my childhood. I spent my entire childhood, until puberty, thinking it was all an accident and I was overreacting, feeling incredibly dumb and needy for even mentioning it to my parents. Hi Jess, we personally dont think anyone is too truamatised to be able to benefit from therapy. Since then ive tried to forgive and give him another chance. I feel extremely disgusted by writing this but I wanted to share this somewhere. I was stuck in a uncomfortable position and my heart was beating soooo fast. They babysat me a few times. Hi Sandy, yes it is possible it is a build up of various traumas causing it, not abuse. Otherwise, if you want to try group therapy, dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) might really help. I know for a fact his one son was sexually abused, my mom caught him (at age 3) doing things to my younger sister that no child would ever know about unless they were abused. Dont forget that if you are feeling very down there are support lines like the Good Samaritans you can call, along with other free an confidential dedicated help lines. (Im not from Uk.) Im 27 now. If not, if you are sure it would make things worse for you,then use internet groups and forums to connect with people in privacy who do understand, and do your best to get through to a point you are an actual adult with a job and independence and then please do reach out for professional support in the form of counselling. Most of the things I have written thus far I can find alternative reasons as to why it could be an issue in my life, but theres one thing Im finding hard to explain in another way. Often times my dad shared a bed with me and I remeber very clearly the beginning but not so much the end. Note that if you are BPD you might want to find a therapist who offers the therapies that work for BPD as not all do (read about it here http://bit.ly/BPDtreatment). Watching your father die when you are only 13 is its own kind of horror and trauma, and you are bound to be experiencing all sorts of emotions right now. Its not about what did or didnt happen so much as its about the fact that you feel unheard and unhappy. Hi Toni, if traumatic thoughts are rising up its because they need to be dealt with, not pushed to a bottom. There was one specific time where I was laying down on his bed as we were hanging out in his room. We often talk about how its not actually the norm or necessary to enjoy sex, particularly while still very young, and that films and TV create false ideas. For e.g. They can help you unpack all this anxiety, as well as support anything bigger if anything does come up. And the whole time I was told I was uncooperative and I needed to try harder. Im 35 years old and finally willing to deal with all of this. Was I Sexually Assaulted Quiz. Its strange to find myself looking this up on the internet but the last couple of years Ive been giving more and more thoughts about myself as a person, Ive always felt distanced from others but cant put my finger on what caused me to be like this. I have uncontrollable feeding frenzies and i stick my finger down my throat anything from two to twenty times a week out of guilt and fear of getting fat. Im in a complicated moment in my life and Im unsure if I was abused at around the age of 5/6 would I remember all I know is that recently I have looked at Illicit pictures and videos of children under the age of 18 and I know I hate myself for it, the police recently arrested me for links to it and I can safely say it is the horror of my life to be associated with it, I dont find children attractive on the day to day, but occasionally when Im trying to crush my depression in the fog of alcohol I have looked and downloaded and felt sick after watching it, I know something happened sexually early on in life for me at around 5/6 years old is it possible that these early experiences have fractured my mind into a vulgar way of thinking, I wont survive prison if that is what it comes to, Im barely handling the shame and self hatred I already feel, I dont want to be this dark person I feel alcohol makes me I want to be normal and live a fulfilling life, But I feel that quickly becoming an impossibility.